I often wonder if life is like an ever evolving crysalis, you know like a butterfly cocoon. I seem to be going through changes so fast it sometimes makes my head spin. I seem to be unable to get a grasp on how things are supposed to be and where I'm supposed to be going. I want so many things. It seems as though my wants and needs are two different things, I want things that seem somewhat irrational to me, I mean frankly, who am I to think I'm supposed to have all I desire. And desire is one of those other things, I'm not sure if it is our minds way of telling us something is missing or if we truly ever want anything and how in the hell are we supposed to know the difference?
I think I may be trying to live in the past just a smidge, but that's my deal. I don't wanna grow up right now, I've always been told don't do what I don't wanna, in regards to myself. And guess what, I don't wanna. I know that it is an irrational way to think and feel, but it's what's going on right now. I'm not sure of myself the same way I was not so long ago. It's very odd to me that even after all the growing up and maturing I've done I still feel like a scared child sometimes, and I know a lot of it has to do with my childhood and the way I was raised, but seriously I'm done being insecure and feeling like everyone else is more important. I for once wanna put me first and do what I wanna do and be the person I wanna be, and is that so much of a crime, or against the rules of play?
I'm slowly learning that not all things in life we want are good for us. Just because we want them doesn't mean they are what we need. I want a lot
of things and most of them I am blissfully unaware of and that's A OK
in my book right now, I have enough undecided bullshit going on to have
to worry about all the shit that isn't exactly the most important things
right now. I'm trying to actively cope with my emotions and how they
make me feel, I'm like a very large only half working stove. Sometimes
I'm hot and sometimes I'm cold. There seems to be a large in between, I
may be mad, sad or just pissed. With all I have going on, sometimes it's
hard to tell one emotion from the next. I know that I cry way too much,
and am beginning to wonder if maybe I have some sort of hormonal
imbalance going on or if I have just reached a time in my life where I
am overly sensitive to things and feelings. Who knows, time will tell me
I'm sure.
I've
decided that writing is a good outlet for all this craziness playing
ping-pong in my mind, I have to have some way to express it and get it
out so that way maybe I can really analyze what's going on with me and
what's real and what is a ghost from the past back to haunt me and make
me feel weak and helpless. One day I hope to have myself back and be on
an even playing field, but for now, I'm resigned to let it roll I guess.
I mean really do I have a choice in the matter?? Nope not one choice
that is better than what I'm already doing. I just really feel lost
sometimes and am unsure of what I should attribute it to.........Am I,
in getting older, really loosing me or just evolving into a more kick
ass person than before? I'm not sure but I do hope it's the later of the
2. I hope that when all the curtains are pulled and the doors opened to let in the light that I will finally recognize myself in all of this madness.
I have so many hopes and dreams that seem to be very very unattainable at the moment, hell ever, for that matter. But in all this shit I have been dished out I haven't quit dreaming and hoping. I want to one day successfully write a book which seems far fetched to me, and hopefully it is one dream that I can realize soon. I want to change people's ways of thinking when it comes to religion and how they see other's faith's. I want to have a store and coffee shop and lots of amazing music. I just don't wanna die and not leave a piece of me behind for the world to feel and see and enjoy if that's possible. I guess I just don't wanna go before being able to make my mark and leave something from the heart behind.
I often contemplate the meaning of life, or rather what it means to me. I've given thought to the idea of soul mates and if it is even really a real thing or not. I'm not sure, the jury is still out on it. I often wonder what it is I'm supposed to be learning along the way? It just seems that sometimes in life people have an inability to be happy because they have witnessed so much unrest and unhappiness in their own lives. I often wonder if that in and of itself is my issue? Or if I am really happy and am just holding myself back from realizing it.......who ever really knows?
Is it ever really rational or acceptable to wish for things that we know we can't have, or is it just another form of keeping our dreams alive?
I feel like stagnant water, it's like I only do the same things over and over, it seems to be a mind numbing, never ending cycle. I feel like I am sitting here just wasting space, for all the potential I have, I need to be doing something, not sure what but I need to immerse myself in something that makes me happy and brings out the creativity in me. I have to learn to deal with my emotions and quit letting them bottle up and run over.
It feels as tho there is a gaping hole in the middle of me, like I have misplaced or lost or just haven't yet found that one piece of me, and I'm just now really figuring out that I have to have that piece too.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
As of late..................
As the season's change I have noticed some changes in myself. I've realized I'm getting older, and needless to say I don't like it one bit. I feel as tho I'm loosing a little bit of myself, and oddly enough finding it in unexpected places. I sometimes wish I could be past this time, I just don't want to put in the work it takes to transform into a more grown up, better understood, more significant person. I feel a tiny bit irrational at times. I'm not sure if it's all the changes going on or not, but I feel like I'm getting left behind, or maybe leaving the me I've known for so very long behind, and that's a scary thought. I'm slowly approaching 29 and I know that's not old, but damn if I don't feel old. I feel like I have somehow turned into an old lady. I take care of my children, take care of the house and the bills and take care of my husband. There's not much room left after that. I feel like it is a repetitive circle of the same things. I know that, all these things I just named are normal and what most stay at home mom's do. I'm just a bit lost.......... I'm not sure what it is I need to learn to be going through this process, maybe patience or the art of gracefully getting older and wiser......who knows? All I know is I'm not feeling it right now, and I don't wanna deal with it.
I've been going around in circles in my mind trying to figure out why I feel so disconnected and out of it, it seems like a maddening circle of the why's, what's, and how's. And what makes me the most upset about it all is that I can answer none of those questions.
I wonder if all these rapidly changing emotions I have are letting me know I'm crazy or that there is a greater reason behind it all. I guess only time will tell, but I wish I knew now, it might help me understand me better, or be able to handle it better. I always thought I was good with change, I've lived a very chaotic life to say the least, but I was always good at adjusting or so I thought. All I seem to do lately is cry and cry a lot, and for what reason I haven't the slightest clue..........I don't cry often and when I do it's either because I'm truly touched, very angry or genuinely in pain. So this type of reaction makes me angry with myself and it makes me feel weak. I sometimes entertain the thought of just crawling in a hole for a while till it all blows over, but I know that can't happen. I'm a fighter and always have been, but I somehow feel defeated before the first ringing of the bell. I've always heard the hardest opponent is always yourself, guess it's true.
It's almost like I'm on auto-pilot, while I get things lined out in my mind and emotions, and that is not a way to go through life, it tends to make a person feel rather nutty. I'm not sure what it is I seem to be in search of. Is it a more full life? Or is this just how life is supposed to go once you reach a certain age? All these unanswered questions........and no desire to wait around for the answers either..........it just puts me in a tough spot.
Sorry to seem all over the place in my writing, but it sums up how I feel. Thanks for reading and as always Love and Light!
I've been going around in circles in my mind trying to figure out why I feel so disconnected and out of it, it seems like a maddening circle of the why's, what's, and how's. And what makes me the most upset about it all is that I can answer none of those questions.
I wonder if all these rapidly changing emotions I have are letting me know I'm crazy or that there is a greater reason behind it all. I guess only time will tell, but I wish I knew now, it might help me understand me better, or be able to handle it better. I always thought I was good with change, I've lived a very chaotic life to say the least, but I was always good at adjusting or so I thought. All I seem to do lately is cry and cry a lot, and for what reason I haven't the slightest clue..........I don't cry often and when I do it's either because I'm truly touched, very angry or genuinely in pain. So this type of reaction makes me angry with myself and it makes me feel weak. I sometimes entertain the thought of just crawling in a hole for a while till it all blows over, but I know that can't happen. I'm a fighter and always have been, but I somehow feel defeated before the first ringing of the bell. I've always heard the hardest opponent is always yourself, guess it's true.
It's almost like I'm on auto-pilot, while I get things lined out in my mind and emotions, and that is not a way to go through life, it tends to make a person feel rather nutty. I'm not sure what it is I seem to be in search of. Is it a more full life? Or is this just how life is supposed to go once you reach a certain age? All these unanswered questions........and no desire to wait around for the answers either..........it just puts me in a tough spot.
Sorry to seem all over the place in my writing, but it sums up how I feel. Thanks for reading and as always Love and Light!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Angry and justified.....
Well before I go into what I am so angry about let me first say that I need you guys to please know the following will have some explicit words and for that I am sorry. I just really need to vent and get this shit off my chest. Thanks in advance :)
So we had court yesterday against my husbands ex-wife. We have been going now for what seems like forever, but as of late it is due to her lying to obtain federal money. She went and got welfare benefits back last year and at the time we had my husbands daughter, but did her mother think about it being fraud? oh, no she didn't give 2 shits, all she seen was a way to support her dope habit. So of course the department of child support got involved and when we told them that we had one of the kids and that a grandmother had the other one for the time in question they decided we needed witnesses and a paper trail and so forth so we brought all that to court yesterday when we went. He went in front of the judge and laid it all out plus we had witness testimony also. So one would think that those people had big enough brains in their damn heads to see that she was a fucking liar and that she illegally obtained the funds, and so they did see that but then the child support lawyer after hanging my husbands daughter up on her testimony and catching her in lies decided that he would stop the proceedings right then and there and told the judge straight up that he couldn't get my husband on the grounds he had due to his lying child. So in his anger I'm guessing he decided that if he couldn't make him pay back the money that that bitch went and illegally got then he would make him back up to the beginning of this year and pay child support, so off the jump that puts my husband owing right at $6,000.00 in back support plus a hefty $700.00 a month, mind you he and I have my two kids at home too but when we tried to tell them that all they said was until the adoption of my kids is finalized by the court and my husband (Which is all done except the last court date mind you, their father signed his rights over to my husband back in the spring and we have been waiting on a court date since then.) then they don't count, and that I needed to get a job because it was not his responsibility to take care of my kids. When they said I needed a job he asked them why his ex-wife didn't have to work to support her kids, plus she has a husband who works and makes damn good money. The child support man simply states we gave her a job on paper but we still have you to take care of 74% of the children's needs. Which like my husband said he has no issues with paying support for his kids, (however ungrateful and assholeish they may be) but that he wanted to know how they thought he was gonna survive on what little income they left him after taking the money straight out of his pay check.
My issue is I can't seem to understand how this bitch he had his kids with is above the law. She doesn't take care of her kids and throws them down on whom ever is available at the time and yet they don't get her for neglect or abandonment, and then she commits welfare fraud and still out walking around with not so much as a word said to her. Maybe I'm crazy and it's not what it seems but to me I think she should have to answer for the shit she does and gets away with just like every other person who breaks the law.
Insight into how to calm myself down and not beat the living shit out of this bitch would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again for reading and sorry again for all the wordy durds..lol......
Love and Light and Goddess Bless
Earthchild )O( Shawna
So we had court yesterday against my husbands ex-wife. We have been going now for what seems like forever, but as of late it is due to her lying to obtain federal money. She went and got welfare benefits back last year and at the time we had my husbands daughter, but did her mother think about it being fraud? oh, no she didn't give 2 shits, all she seen was a way to support her dope habit. So of course the department of child support got involved and when we told them that we had one of the kids and that a grandmother had the other one for the time in question they decided we needed witnesses and a paper trail and so forth so we brought all that to court yesterday when we went. He went in front of the judge and laid it all out plus we had witness testimony also. So one would think that those people had big enough brains in their damn heads to see that she was a fucking liar and that she illegally obtained the funds, and so they did see that but then the child support lawyer after hanging my husbands daughter up on her testimony and catching her in lies decided that he would stop the proceedings right then and there and told the judge straight up that he couldn't get my husband on the grounds he had due to his lying child. So in his anger I'm guessing he decided that if he couldn't make him pay back the money that that bitch went and illegally got then he would make him back up to the beginning of this year and pay child support, so off the jump that puts my husband owing right at $6,000.00 in back support plus a hefty $700.00 a month, mind you he and I have my two kids at home too but when we tried to tell them that all they said was until the adoption of my kids is finalized by the court and my husband (Which is all done except the last court date mind you, their father signed his rights over to my husband back in the spring and we have been waiting on a court date since then.) then they don't count, and that I needed to get a job because it was not his responsibility to take care of my kids. When they said I needed a job he asked them why his ex-wife didn't have to work to support her kids, plus she has a husband who works and makes damn good money. The child support man simply states we gave her a job on paper but we still have you to take care of 74% of the children's needs. Which like my husband said he has no issues with paying support for his kids, (however ungrateful and assholeish they may be) but that he wanted to know how they thought he was gonna survive on what little income they left him after taking the money straight out of his pay check.
My issue is I can't seem to understand how this bitch he had his kids with is above the law. She doesn't take care of her kids and throws them down on whom ever is available at the time and yet they don't get her for neglect or abandonment, and then she commits welfare fraud and still out walking around with not so much as a word said to her. Maybe I'm crazy and it's not what it seems but to me I think she should have to answer for the shit she does and gets away with just like every other person who breaks the law.
Insight into how to calm myself down and not beat the living shit out of this bitch would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again for reading and sorry again for all the wordy durds..lol......
Love and Light and Goddess Bless
Earthchild )O( Shawna
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Life at my house........
So, I finally got my backache to leave for the most part, thank the Goddess!!
I'm gonna get this witch's pen cleaned today, after almost a week of a backache the house is in shambles. I hope I can get it all done before the hubby gets up for work. :)
I've finally started working with my oracle cards and I have to say, I love them!! I'm so glad that I am finally getting out of this funk I've been in and actually getting things accomplished.
A few days ago when we got all that bad weather, it was a rush of tornadoes in Oklahoma and here on the home front we had massive flooding. I honestly thought my driveway had transformed itself into a river, at one point I told my husband,"Honey, lets just get a boat, it would be so much easier then these shovels and rakes we are using." That same day after we got the worst of the water contained we had to go pick up the kids from school, the bus never would have made it up the road below us, the river was in the road 3 feet deep all the way across. Goddess willing and the creek don't rise we are gonna try and work on the driveway some this weekend.
Softball season is coming to a close, can't say I'm not kinda glad, not that I don't love watching the girls play because I do and they are getting good at it too, but it is so very exhausting. Like this Friday we have a double header. They girls are gonna be wore plumb out by the time they get done, we will be at the field from 5pm till close to 11pm.
On the day that all the bad weather came my littlest pregnant kitty had her kittens!!! She had 3. A solid white one, a solid black one, and a black and white tabby/calico it has brown on it too. They are absolutely adorable!!! Also my little brother and his wife welcomed their little one to the world too, Little Mattox Timothy!! He is perfect!!! He weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz.
Even in all the destruction the Goddess and God still blessed us!!
Just thought I would give you all an update and let you know I hadn't fell off the face of the earth or floated away!! LOL
As always thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!!
Love and Light
Many Blessings,
Shawna
)O(
I'm gonna get this witch's pen cleaned today, after almost a week of a backache the house is in shambles. I hope I can get it all done before the hubby gets up for work. :)
I've finally started working with my oracle cards and I have to say, I love them!! I'm so glad that I am finally getting out of this funk I've been in and actually getting things accomplished.
A few days ago when we got all that bad weather, it was a rush of tornadoes in Oklahoma and here on the home front we had massive flooding. I honestly thought my driveway had transformed itself into a river, at one point I told my husband,"Honey, lets just get a boat, it would be so much easier then these shovels and rakes we are using." That same day after we got the worst of the water contained we had to go pick up the kids from school, the bus never would have made it up the road below us, the river was in the road 3 feet deep all the way across. Goddess willing and the creek don't rise we are gonna try and work on the driveway some this weekend.
Softball season is coming to a close, can't say I'm not kinda glad, not that I don't love watching the girls play because I do and they are getting good at it too, but it is so very exhausting. Like this Friday we have a double header. They girls are gonna be wore plumb out by the time they get done, we will be at the field from 5pm till close to 11pm.
On the day that all the bad weather came my littlest pregnant kitty had her kittens!!! She had 3. A solid white one, a solid black one, and a black and white tabby/calico it has brown on it too. They are absolutely adorable!!! Also my little brother and his wife welcomed their little one to the world too, Little Mattox Timothy!! He is perfect!!! He weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz.
Even in all the destruction the Goddess and God still blessed us!!
Just thought I would give you all an update and let you know I hadn't fell off the face of the earth or floated away!! LOL
As always thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!!
Love and Light
Many Blessings,
Shawna
)O(
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Trying
Well today as I write, I'm a bit agitated. I have had this seemingly there to stay back pain for days now and it seems as though no matter what I try to do to ease it is is to no avail. It also seems that every time I try to ease the pain it only gets worse. It really is beginning to make me very angry, I suppose that is the way I cope when it comes to pain, instead of just giving in and letting it cripple me so to speak.
So it comes to me today, a grand Ah ha moment, I was reading a fellow blogger's blog and there it was, I already knew about it but hadn't given it any thought. So I am now in the process of making some Cayenne Salve. Hopefully in a few hours when it is done and ready to use I can get some relief!!!
I'm excited to report that my amazing husband took a night off from work on Thursday, while home he did some outside chore's that needed to be done and bless his heart he built me a raised bed for my herb garden. I was so excited!! I'm glad to say that my dear herbs look much more happy in their new home and I'm hopeful they will grow big and strong!!!
So sorry that the first half of today's blog is more or less bitching, but I needed to get it off my chest!! Have a great weekend and many blessings to each and everyone of you!!!
Love and Light
Shawna
)O(
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Doin.......
Well my weekend out of town was good but tiresome. I got to spend time with my sister for her birthday and talk about her upcoming wedding, 5 weeks to go!!
I also spent some time with my mom, which I enjoyed, I used to never think I would miss her when she lived 10 minutes from me but now that we are 2 hours apart I miss her like crazy and wish she lived closer. Our relationship is so much better then it once was when I was a child, we don't fight and argue and she is not abusive anymore. All good things in my book and now I love spending time with her and trying to learn some of her wisdom if it is only a small bit here and there. She loved her mother's day present and i was thrilled!!
Also while out of town, I went to the green house my sister and other mom work at and stocked up on some good herbs for my herb garden and some flowers of course, what woman doesn't like flowers right?? I got some vegetable plants for the big garden, we got those in the ground yesterday, OMG it was a million degrees out it seemed like, what time we were planting!! I thought I would melt, I mentioned to my husband that when I was a kid you almost had to beat me to get me to come in and now all I wanted to do was sit in front of an air conditioner and enjoy the coolness....lol.......
So the herbs I got are: Stevia, a new one for me, I haven't tried growing it before, but I'm hoping it grows well I would like to make some extraction from it for a sweetener. Sage, I grow it every year, just hope it is huge this year and I can make many smudge sticks with it!! Basil, Dill, Cilantro, Thyme, Echinacea, another new one I'm excited about!! Oh and Lavender, can't wait for it to start flowering, I just love the way it smells. Oh and just for the local bee's here I got a red honeysuckle!! They are so very pretty and smell amazing and the bees love them which is great, gotta keep the little fellers happy!!
I'm currently working on a new BOS, right now just mainly brainstorming on what I want it to look like and what I want to put in it. I have 3 now already that started out as one all in a binder but a lot of it is just information for most anything I would need to know right off the top of my head. So this new one I want to have a personal feel and only have what I want to put in it, in it if that makes sense. I'm thinking about actually making this one more scrapbook like with sewn in tags and flaps and cute little sayings that have tons of meaning magickally. Any suggestions would be great, I'm just kinda swimming around in the water of possibility right now, and let me tell you that is one big body of water.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!!
Love and Light
BB
Shawna
)O(
I also spent some time with my mom, which I enjoyed, I used to never think I would miss her when she lived 10 minutes from me but now that we are 2 hours apart I miss her like crazy and wish she lived closer. Our relationship is so much better then it once was when I was a child, we don't fight and argue and she is not abusive anymore. All good things in my book and now I love spending time with her and trying to learn some of her wisdom if it is only a small bit here and there. She loved her mother's day present and i was thrilled!!
Also while out of town, I went to the green house my sister and other mom work at and stocked up on some good herbs for my herb garden and some flowers of course, what woman doesn't like flowers right?? I got some vegetable plants for the big garden, we got those in the ground yesterday, OMG it was a million degrees out it seemed like, what time we were planting!! I thought I would melt, I mentioned to my husband that when I was a kid you almost had to beat me to get me to come in and now all I wanted to do was sit in front of an air conditioner and enjoy the coolness....lol.......
So the herbs I got are: Stevia, a new one for me, I haven't tried growing it before, but I'm hoping it grows well I would like to make some extraction from it for a sweetener. Sage, I grow it every year, just hope it is huge this year and I can make many smudge sticks with it!! Basil, Dill, Cilantro, Thyme, Echinacea, another new one I'm excited about!! Oh and Lavender, can't wait for it to start flowering, I just love the way it smells. Oh and just for the local bee's here I got a red honeysuckle!! They are so very pretty and smell amazing and the bees love them which is great, gotta keep the little fellers happy!!
I'm currently working on a new BOS, right now just mainly brainstorming on what I want it to look like and what I want to put in it. I have 3 now already that started out as one all in a binder but a lot of it is just information for most anything I would need to know right off the top of my head. So this new one I want to have a personal feel and only have what I want to put in it, in it if that makes sense. I'm thinking about actually making this one more scrapbook like with sewn in tags and flaps and cute little sayings that have tons of meaning magickally. Any suggestions would be great, I'm just kinda swimming around in the water of possibility right now, and let me tell you that is one big body of water.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!!
Love and Light
BB
Shawna
)O(
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
On a mission.....
Well as all of you know Mother's day is this Sunday. But so is my sister's birthday!!
I made her something for her birthday and I can't wait to give it to her, I hope she loves it.I'd tell you what it is but I'm afraid she may just read it here and then that would spoil the surprise.
So with it being mother's day coming up, I am making some awesome stuff for those closest to my heart. My little brother's wife is pregnant and she is ready to pop. Poor thing I know she is miserable and her feet hurt, so I am making her some Lavender foot scrub and soak. The girls are going to see her while we are out of town this weekend and they can give her a pedicure with it.
Now for my Moms', yes I mean plural, I'm lucky enough to have 2 great mother's in my life that I love dearly. So for my other mother, I'm making her some foot soak and scrub too which she will love, the girls do her feet every time they go see her and she will be extra excited!!! I'm making her a Lime-Lavender sugar scrub, which sounds phenomenal, and I will let you know how it turns out I'm gonna make it today, just in case I need to tweak it any. And I'm making a Lavender-Mint foot soak for her too, she works in a green house every day and is very hard on her feet.
Here are the recipe's
Lime-Lavender Sugar Scrub
2 cups granulated white sugar
1/4 - 1/3 cup almond oil (May use coconut oil)
Lavender essential oil
Lime essential oil
Vitamin E Capsule (Optional, helps keep a longer shelf life)
Directions: Put sugar in a bowl. Add oil slowly until it is a nice soft consistency, but not too oily. Add a few drops of each essential oil. Add Vitamin E capsule ( cut and pour in oil). Mix well. Scoop into a cute jar and make sure lid is tight. Label and Enjoy!!
Soothing Foot Soak
2 cups Epsom salt
1/2 cup sea salt
1/4 cup baking soda
4 drops Lavender essential oil
3-5 drops Peppermint essential oil (Optional)
Vitamin E Capsule ( Optional for longer shelf life and more luxurious feel)
Directions: In a bowl mix Epsom salt, sea salt and baking soda. Stir in essential oils and vitamin e capsule, mix until all the salt is coated, let air dry. Pour into a pretty container with a tight sealing lid. Label.
Use 1/8 cup - 1/4 cup in foot bath, add while warm water is running. Enjoy!!
Now onto my mommy. She is the hardest person to make stuff or buy stuff for.....so I'm still brainstorming on what to do for her. But whatever it is it's guaranteed to be great!! So for those of you who read my blog, any suggestions would be great. And as always thanks for reading!!!!
L&L
Blessings
Shawna
)O(
I made her something for her birthday and I can't wait to give it to her, I hope she loves it.I'd tell you what it is but I'm afraid she may just read it here and then that would spoil the surprise.
So with it being mother's day coming up, I am making some awesome stuff for those closest to my heart. My little brother's wife is pregnant and she is ready to pop. Poor thing I know she is miserable and her feet hurt, so I am making her some Lavender foot scrub and soak. The girls are going to see her while we are out of town this weekend and they can give her a pedicure with it.
Now for my Moms', yes I mean plural, I'm lucky enough to have 2 great mother's in my life that I love dearly. So for my other mother, I'm making her some foot soak and scrub too which she will love, the girls do her feet every time they go see her and she will be extra excited!!! I'm making her a Lime-Lavender sugar scrub, which sounds phenomenal, and I will let you know how it turns out I'm gonna make it today, just in case I need to tweak it any. And I'm making a Lavender-Mint foot soak for her too, she works in a green house every day and is very hard on her feet.
Here are the recipe's
Lime-Lavender Sugar Scrub
2 cups granulated white sugar
1/4 - 1/3 cup almond oil (May use coconut oil)
Lavender essential oil
Lime essential oil
Vitamin E Capsule (Optional, helps keep a longer shelf life)
Directions: Put sugar in a bowl. Add oil slowly until it is a nice soft consistency, but not too oily. Add a few drops of each essential oil. Add Vitamin E capsule ( cut and pour in oil). Mix well. Scoop into a cute jar and make sure lid is tight. Label and Enjoy!!
Soothing Foot Soak
2 cups Epsom salt
1/2 cup sea salt
1/4 cup baking soda
4 drops Lavender essential oil
3-5 drops Peppermint essential oil (Optional)
Vitamin E Capsule ( Optional for longer shelf life and more luxurious feel)
Directions: In a bowl mix Epsom salt, sea salt and baking soda. Stir in essential oils and vitamin e capsule, mix until all the salt is coated, let air dry. Pour into a pretty container with a tight sealing lid. Label.
Use 1/8 cup - 1/4 cup in foot bath, add while warm water is running. Enjoy!!
Now onto my mommy. She is the hardest person to make stuff or buy stuff for.....so I'm still brainstorming on what to do for her. But whatever it is it's guaranteed to be great!! So for those of you who read my blog, any suggestions would be great. And as always thanks for reading!!!!
L&L
Blessings
Shawna
)O(
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The randomness of my mind.....
So I've been thinking lately about expanding my herbal knowledge and applying it to my daily life and spell work. So let's start with what I know:
1. Any person can make spells stronger by adding items/elements that speak to them. Be it colors, candles, words, music, herbs, crystals,etc.
2. The most powerful aspect of a spell is the person's intent.
3. When setting out to perform a spell a person needs to have concise intent and make sure to apply it to the spell.
4. Depending on how fast a person wants a spell to manifest, they need to choose which element to use for the spell, ie., Fire=Fast, Earth=Slow, Air=Medium, Water=Medium.
5. Visualization is a major part of manifestation, if you can't visualize what the outcome is I'm not real sure the spell or manifestation will work the way you want it to.
Now let's go with what I don't know:
1. I have a hard time figuring out what planetary hours mean.
2. Have no idea how planetary rulers work.
3. Need to work on visualization skills, meditation and spell craft in general.
4. Need to figure out what exactly the witch's pyramid means to me and apply it.
5. Need closer spirituality with The God and The Goddess.
6. Need to talk more with the deities and figure out which ones speak to me and why.
7. I really think I need a mentor more then I want to acknowledge.
8. I have got to figure out how I got into this "funk" I am currently in, and in learning that learn how to keep it from happening again.
9. Need to learn the properties be it magickal or healing for the herbs I presently have and build a bigger base from there.
Current list of herbs I have:
Yarrow Bay Leaves
Catnip Mandrake
Chamomile Mugwort
Lavender Flowers Plantain
Dill Dandelion
Thyme Moss
Eucalyptus Rosemary
Nut Meg Bee Balm
Alfalfa Leaves Oregano
Adder's Tongue Marjoram
Parsley Basil
Black Mint Lavender Leaves
I also need to work on my knowledge of crystals, but that is another blog all together.
I know that this sounds like I'm a little out of it, but really these are things that need learning/fixing. They mean so much to me and to my spiritual expansion. So if any of you have any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading!!
Blessings!!
Shawna
)O(
Saturday, May 4, 2013
What's been going on lately...........
So I know it has been a while since I posted anything........for those of you who read my blog I'm sorry. So much has been going on and I haven't had the time really and then I kinda forgot about it for a while too.
So for an update: The kids started softball, and then the littlest one came to me and told me that it wasn't in her heart to play this year(LOL) and I let her quit. Not something good to do I know but she really really didn't want to play this season.
Also, I've been on a new venture I've been making all-natural bath and body stuff. Like bath salts and body butter and soap. Hopefully I can get them lined out and start selling them on a regular basis. It took me what seemed like forever to find a name for my business/store on Etsy that I will be opening soon. Creations of a Country Witch!! It came to me one day on the way home from a softball game. I thought it seemed very fitting!! LOL
I had a wonderful Beltane and am thinking of keeping the Beltane spirit going all season. It is a time of learning for me and normally this time of year is really hard on me being as though May 2nd is the anniversary of my father's death. I'm normally too depressed to even want to poke my head out the door for a few days. But this year, Thank the Goddess, I was better, somewhat, I still miss my dad and wish he was here to share everyday life with, but I don't feel like I'm losing my grip on reality anymore on the day of his death.
So while drinking my morning cup of Joe, I'm in a contemplating mood. Where from here do I go, What is my main calling as far as spiritually speaking and how will I obtain the seemingly unobtainable?? Haven't yet figured it all out but I'm growing and learning and trying to navigate my way through.
I've started really working on me, physically and spiritually speaking. I recently ordered some good herbs from my friend Dee, at The Green Eyed Owl. I've been taking a more natural approach to taking care of myself, I ordered some tea from her to boost my immune system, because I catch everything coming and going. I ordered some other loose herbs to make another tea with, to help me cope with having Urinary Tract issues all the time for the last almost 2 years now. So I have been trying to take care of my physical self that way along with diet some. In ordering the herbs I ordered some really good incense to open my third eye which I feel I need now. Lately I've been feeling like I got disconnected somehow from my path and where I need to be in the spiritual aspect.
I had a really good conversation with a friend of mine the other day about meditation. I have the hardest time trying to quiet my mind, in order to successfully meditate, but she told me if my mind wouldn't hush to listen to it while meditating and maybe I needed to listen to what my mind had to say. So I will have to give that a try and see if it works better for me. Hopefully so!!
I've been missing my coven sister's lately too, but I have to remember that we all have a mundane life and things that we have to do and can't always be with each other as bad as we may want to be. I guess sometimes I just wish we all lived closer and could be together always, but that's an unrealistic wish and I know it. Just seems like we don't see enough of each other any more.
Maybe when we are old and retired and the kids are grown and moving on with their lives then we can all live in a cottage somewhere cozy back in the woods near nature and the faeries. If I'm gonna dream may as well dream big huh!!
I ordered a deck of oracle cards not too long back and really haven't done a thing with them, I need to, they called to me for a reason and I need to learn to listen more than I do. I'd say my mind won't hush because I don't ever listen and perhaps if I did I might would learn a few things about my self that I didn't already know. Who knows??
So any of you that have any suggestions on anything I touched on today don't hesitate to comment, but please let's keep it positive and bounce our idea's back and forth.
As always thanks for reading some of my crazed thoughts and many blessings to you and yours!! )O(
So for an update: The kids started softball, and then the littlest one came to me and told me that it wasn't in her heart to play this year(LOL) and I let her quit. Not something good to do I know but she really really didn't want to play this season.
Also, I've been on a new venture I've been making all-natural bath and body stuff. Like bath salts and body butter and soap. Hopefully I can get them lined out and start selling them on a regular basis. It took me what seemed like forever to find a name for my business/store on Etsy that I will be opening soon. Creations of a Country Witch!! It came to me one day on the way home from a softball game. I thought it seemed very fitting!! LOL
I had a wonderful Beltane and am thinking of keeping the Beltane spirit going all season. It is a time of learning for me and normally this time of year is really hard on me being as though May 2nd is the anniversary of my father's death. I'm normally too depressed to even want to poke my head out the door for a few days. But this year, Thank the Goddess, I was better, somewhat, I still miss my dad and wish he was here to share everyday life with, but I don't feel like I'm losing my grip on reality anymore on the day of his death.
So while drinking my morning cup of Joe, I'm in a contemplating mood. Where from here do I go, What is my main calling as far as spiritually speaking and how will I obtain the seemingly unobtainable?? Haven't yet figured it all out but I'm growing and learning and trying to navigate my way through.
I've started really working on me, physically and spiritually speaking. I recently ordered some good herbs from my friend Dee, at The Green Eyed Owl. I've been taking a more natural approach to taking care of myself, I ordered some tea from her to boost my immune system, because I catch everything coming and going. I ordered some other loose herbs to make another tea with, to help me cope with having Urinary Tract issues all the time for the last almost 2 years now. So I have been trying to take care of my physical self that way along with diet some. In ordering the herbs I ordered some really good incense to open my third eye which I feel I need now. Lately I've been feeling like I got disconnected somehow from my path and where I need to be in the spiritual aspect.
I had a really good conversation with a friend of mine the other day about meditation. I have the hardest time trying to quiet my mind, in order to successfully meditate, but she told me if my mind wouldn't hush to listen to it while meditating and maybe I needed to listen to what my mind had to say. So I will have to give that a try and see if it works better for me. Hopefully so!!
I've been missing my coven sister's lately too, but I have to remember that we all have a mundane life and things that we have to do and can't always be with each other as bad as we may want to be. I guess sometimes I just wish we all lived closer and could be together always, but that's an unrealistic wish and I know it. Just seems like we don't see enough of each other any more.
Maybe when we are old and retired and the kids are grown and moving on with their lives then we can all live in a cottage somewhere cozy back in the woods near nature and the faeries. If I'm gonna dream may as well dream big huh!!
I ordered a deck of oracle cards not too long back and really haven't done a thing with them, I need to, they called to me for a reason and I need to learn to listen more than I do. I'd say my mind won't hush because I don't ever listen and perhaps if I did I might would learn a few things about my self that I didn't already know. Who knows??
So any of you that have any suggestions on anything I touched on today don't hesitate to comment, but please let's keep it positive and bounce our idea's back and forth.
As always thanks for reading some of my crazed thoughts and many blessings to you and yours!! )O(
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Listia........what I've been doing recently
<a href="http://www.listia.com/?r=1889031"><img alt="Auctions
this is what I have been doing lately......
this is what I have been doing lately......
Friday, February 22, 2013
Kinda stressed out rant
Well today, I woke up to my husband telling me that he thought my alarm hadn't went off yet and I was gonna be late. But it hadn't went off yet, I still had 3 minutes. I got up and got him some sinus medicine and used the bathroom.......I still have a sinus infection and my head is all clogged up, nothing can be done about that though. I came through the house and started my coffee and turned on my computer, checked my E-mail accounts and my Facebook. Nothing to really note except that it is Jessica and Momma Donna's birthday's today, Jessica is 17 and Momma is 52. I read a post from Tracy to Jessica and it got me all teary eyed.
I woke the kids up they seem to be in a good mood today so I'm glad about that, it means no arguing this morning......it's 6:33 now so in a little while I have to take the kids to the bus and come back and try and figure out what is going on with our federal return.....we could really use the money right now, we need a hot water heater...ours has a huge hole in it and is trying to run the well dry, so I'm a little stressed about that, that's all we need is for the well to run dry.
We also have to pay my truck payment and the electric bill that is sky high and when I first saw the bill I almost had a cow but I had to realize that in moving we really have saved money even though it doesn't seem that way with all the bills coming in and stuff. But we have......we no longer have to pay rent which was 400 a month and we don't have to pay for heating oil and that was like 200 a month and the IRS is paid too so that's another 300 we are saving.....but some how in all the saving we are still struggling.......a lot of it is that my husband is having a hard time at work getting loads and stuff and so that makes the payday situation a little tough.....before the first of the year his payday's were like 2200 after taxes and now they are like 1100 so I mean yea we have saved money but we also are not bringing in as much as we were either.
Lately I've been feeling I really need to do something.....I had this idea to do an online store but got to looking last night at prices and things and realized it will be expensive and I need to research it some more......I feel a little overwhelmed with my lack of doing things whether it be at home or abroad.
I really want to start doing something, I want to work towards some type of information and acceptance of Paganism here in the community but have no idea where to start and who to talk to about it. I think that all people regardless of what religion they follow should have access to worship and follow their religion freely, just am not sure how to go about accomplishing this around here.
Just got the kids off the bus and back home.....I took a nap earlier and it wasn't so much as restful as it was......ummm can't think of the word.......well just weird.
Oh and I feel really stressed out about our taxes......they told us yesterday that we would get them today but no, we didn't....hopefully really soon though.
I think I'm gonna fix tuna cakes for dinner.....just not sure what to fix with it.....
I haven't been very productive today at all.....Just kinda feel icky and not really got the energy for it......
I watched a few YouTube video's today on herbs......I'm gonna start using them medicinally....they have got to work better than the pharmaceutical medicine does because I've been taking it for ever and the illness' always seem to come back.....Found a website to order bulk herbs from too.....at good prices..
Sorry for all the randomness........Just getting things off my chest and out of my head......
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
today.........
Damn, the rest of my day has got to be better than what it has been so far.......
First we find out the part for hubby's truck is almost $100, so he takes my truck.
Then was late getting the kids off the bus, so I had to make a mad dash to the school in my husband's truck (mentioned above) to get the kids and then on the way back ran out of gas. Oh and in the mad dash to get the kids forgot to bring my wallet with the money in it.......
Luckily it ran out of gas at the gas station. I then tried to make some phone calls to get someone to bring me some money or gas and no luck there.....But the Goddess must have been looking out for me though because a fellow at the gas station gave me 5 bucks to get gas so I could get home.........Thank you Goddess for watching my back.......
All that and I haven't even cooked dinner yet............
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
First we find out the part for hubby's truck is almost $100, so he takes my truck.
Then was late getting the kids off the bus, so I had to make a mad dash to the school in my husband's truck (mentioned above) to get the kids and then on the way back ran out of gas. Oh and in the mad dash to get the kids forgot to bring my wallet with the money in it.......
Luckily it ran out of gas at the gas station. I then tried to make some phone calls to get someone to bring me some money or gas and no luck there.....But the Goddess must have been looking out for me though because a fellow at the gas station gave me 5 bucks to get gas so I could get home.........Thank you Goddess for watching my back.......
All that and I haven't even cooked dinner yet............
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
Well this morning has been a little hectic already.......The kids went to bed a little later than usual last night and lo and behold one of them had a rough morning.....cranky butt....wanted to stay home and sleep and not get up for school....
Finally got the kids lined out and on the bus to school, uploaded some new pics on my Facebook and was just getting ready to clean house......thought I'd drop a few lines first tho.....
So in the next few day's I'm gonna try to better attune my self with some crystals. Watched a YouTube video on it yesterday and thought I'd give it a try....I'm gonna be using an Amethyst....I let you know how it goes.
I also think I'm gonna try and quit smoking......bad habit and the money could be used elsewhere, Goddess knows.......I just hope I don't start biting off people's heads and getting hateful......but then again you never know maybe I will be successful this time....Goddess willing and I can stick it out.......Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.......
All for now
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
Finally got the kids lined out and on the bus to school, uploaded some new pics on my Facebook and was just getting ready to clean house......thought I'd drop a few lines first tho.....
So in the next few day's I'm gonna try to better attune my self with some crystals. Watched a YouTube video on it yesterday and thought I'd give it a try....I'm gonna be using an Amethyst....I let you know how it goes.
I also think I'm gonna try and quit smoking......bad habit and the money could be used elsewhere, Goddess knows.......I just hope I don't start biting off people's heads and getting hateful......but then again you never know maybe I will be successful this time....Goddess willing and I can stick it out.......Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.......
All for now
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Fox News
So over the weekend, Fox News had a broadcast on Missouri University and how they included Pagan holiday's in their observed holiday's which is a good thing. It's a small step for us a community in the right direction.
My issue is that while reporting that, Fox News gave untruthful information and cracked jokes and were very unprofessional about it. They have offended me and many others and I feel like they should have to make a public apology and fix their information.
First off we are not all "Dungeons and Dragons" players. Second, We are not all "twice divorced, middle-aged women living in rural areas that are midwives and love incense". I mean yea, don't get me wrong I love incense but am not a midwife or twice divorced or middle-aged for that matter. Furthermore we don't have 20 holiday's we have 8. And they said they didn't know any "Wiccan or Pagan that can name all Wiccan or Pagan Holiday's" well, hello asshole I can.......wanna see me do it........Samhain, Yule, Imbolc, Ostara, Beltane, Litha, Lammas and Mabon. They also said that "Halloween being the most important" I think they are all important and they are observed equally.
I think that we and I mean all of us in the Pagan and Wiccan community should stand up and not let them trample our beliefs like this, because I will tell you what we have been bashed and hated and persecuted for too long over people's stupidity, ignorance and ability to spread hate and hurtful lies. The truth needs to be told and the liars need to be stopped.
We are a peaceful community and we don't ask for much. Also we make up a bigger part of America than the people at Fox News either know or want to acknowledge.
They should step back and realize that they are speaking out against people, yes I said REAL LIVE HUMAN BEINGS that have feelings and bleed the same color as everyone else in this country. They need to check their facts and quit making fun, it is hurtful and very unprofessional not to mention unnecessary.
And Goddess forbid we spoke out about another person's religious beliefs, we would be hunted down and burnt.
The last time I checked it was our constitutional right as AMERICAN'S to believe and follow any religion we see fit, if it is this right they at Fox News have a problem with then maybe they should sit down and read it. Instead of making jokes and telling lies.
Sorry to rant to much it just really upsets me to see in this day and age with it being 2013 that people can still trample on someone's beliefs and their right to them.
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
My issue is that while reporting that, Fox News gave untruthful information and cracked jokes and were very unprofessional about it. They have offended me and many others and I feel like they should have to make a public apology and fix their information.
First off we are not all "Dungeons and Dragons" players. Second, We are not all "twice divorced, middle-aged women living in rural areas that are midwives and love incense". I mean yea, don't get me wrong I love incense but am not a midwife or twice divorced or middle-aged for that matter. Furthermore we don't have 20 holiday's we have 8. And they said they didn't know any "Wiccan or Pagan that can name all Wiccan or Pagan Holiday's" well, hello asshole I can.......wanna see me do it........Samhain, Yule, Imbolc, Ostara, Beltane, Litha, Lammas and Mabon. They also said that "Halloween being the most important" I think they are all important and they are observed equally.
I think that we and I mean all of us in the Pagan and Wiccan community should stand up and not let them trample our beliefs like this, because I will tell you what we have been bashed and hated and persecuted for too long over people's stupidity, ignorance and ability to spread hate and hurtful lies. The truth needs to be told and the liars need to be stopped.
We are a peaceful community and we don't ask for much. Also we make up a bigger part of America than the people at Fox News either know or want to acknowledge.
They should step back and realize that they are speaking out against people, yes I said REAL LIVE HUMAN BEINGS that have feelings and bleed the same color as everyone else in this country. They need to check their facts and quit making fun, it is hurtful and very unprofessional not to mention unnecessary.
And Goddess forbid we spoke out about another person's religious beliefs, we would be hunted down and burnt.
The last time I checked it was our constitutional right as AMERICAN'S to believe and follow any religion we see fit, if it is this right they at Fox News have a problem with then maybe they should sit down and read it. Instead of making jokes and telling lies.
Sorry to rant to much it just really upsets me to see in this day and age with it being 2013 that people can still trample on someone's beliefs and their right to them.
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
Getting to know me......
First of all my name is Shawna........I am a married mother of a bunch......lol....by that I mean I have 2 biological children and a whole laundry list of "adopted" children including my 2 step kids.
I am Pagan and have been so now for going on 5 years. My husband is Christian and it works for us.
I'm a stay at home mom and sometimes I get a bit stir crazed but what stay at home mother doesn't.
I started this blog to kind of track my daily life and so that I can look back on it and try to improve my life to the best of my abilities. Hope you enjoy reading.
Brightest Blessings
Earthchild
)O(
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)